How to Spice Up Your Sex Life

As time passes in a relationship, it’s normal for a couple’s sex life to become a little bit less exciting. The heated passion of when you couldn’t wait to rip each other’s clothes off can find itself replaced by the desire to stay in and have little interaction other than some cuddling and a kiss goodnight.

Whether that’s your experience, or if you’ve found the sexual passion drying up in your relationship, you might be wondering what you can do about it. To bring that spark back to life, use these crucial tips for spicing up your sex life.

Engage in Open and Honest Communication

One of the most important ways to approach spicing up your sex life is by talking about it. Often, the real issue isn’t that you aren’t having sex — that’s just a symptom of some other issue in the relationship. Perhaps one (or both) of you are experiencing a lot of stress, or one of you is feeling less sexy than usual because of body image issues. Whatever it is, you won’t be able to get at the root of it, or find a solution, until you have a serious conversation about your sex life. Conversation should involve you talking about everything.

Your likes, dislikes, fantasies, what feels good, what you want them to do, what you are open to try, what you don’t like that much, your favourite position, where and how to move, talk about it!

Have a fun back-and-forth conversation about sex. Don’t be insecure or nervous about it. If you’re old enough and mature enough to have sex, you should be old enough and mature enough to talk about sex too. If you’re not sure how and when to initiate that kind of conversation, that’s totally understandable. Bringing up the sex talk when the two of you are in bed together, ideally cuddling after a sexual moment. When you’re totally emotionally open and still in the sex mindset, go a little deeper. This is when you talk about what you might like to try that’s different. If there’s something that you really like that your partner does, but you’d like it even more if they did it like this, or if you’ve always wanted to try a specific thing, now would be a good time to bring it up. The setting means you’re probably both not far removed from thinking sexual thoughts, so there’s a natural segue.

This is also the time to ask them what they like, what they would like even more if you did something a little different/more/less, what they have always wanted to try. Be careful not to put them down or criticise. And it’s best to not generalise. By asking focused questions and giving focused information, you will be able to make this conversation constructive and encouraging, even fun and exciting.

Try New Things

Having a good, healthy conversation about your sex life is just the first step to spicing things up. The meat of the action is almost always going to be changing what you do with each other. That might mean approaching the old sex you’d been having with renewed energy and passion, or it might mean changing things up entirely. If you’re not sure where to go beyond just wanting to try something new, here are some suggestions. They won’t necessarily work for every couple — and if any or all of them seem like they’re not for you, that’s fine — but if even one of them piques your interest, well, try giving it a shot!

Try Dirty Talk and Sexting

If you want to spice things up without spending money, step one, should be using your words in new ways by talking dirty to each other. Dirty talk is the easiest way to immediately improve your sex life. Yes, it can feel scary for people who aren’t used to doing it, but it’s actually easy! You don’t have to come up with anything clever to say. Simply say what you’re doing, what you’re feeling, what your partner is feeling, and more than that, what you want your partner to be feeling. It will instantly change your sex life.

Sexting is basically just taking your dirty-talk dynamic and applying it to your digital interactions. However, if you’re not sure you’re up for all that typing, there are other options. If you are using some form of text messaging as your form of cybersex, up your game by activating the audio element of your messages. Even better than having your words transcribed, send actual audio messages, letting your partner hear your voice, so that they can feel your escalating excitement.

One of the thrilling aspects of sexting is its portability, meaning you can get your sext on in all kinds of otherwise non-sexual situations. Use text sex to create anticipation. Maybe you’re at a family gathering and sitting on opposite sides of the dinner table. A few sexts or DMs as long as no one is looking over your shoulder can make the otherwise boring event more exciting, and may even lead to you both slipping into the bathroom together for a quickie before dessert. You can even do it when you and your partner are in the same house, just in different rooms.

Try Watching Porn Together

This can be a tricky one, since often the guy in a heterosexual relationship will be the one who’s more comfortable with watching porn. However, if your partner is already a seasoned porn aficionado or simply curious and willing to explore it with you, it can be a great way to add some much-needed spice to the relationship.

If you are the more experienced porn watcher, however, you should hand the reins over to your less-experienced partner and let them decide what you watch or don’t watch so they don’t feel yanked out of their comfort zone too quickly. In that scenario, it’s better to start slowly — maybe even with soft-corn porn, where there’s no penetration — and work your way up to more intense content. Regardless, the focus should be on scenes, story lines, or pairings that turn you both on.

You aren’t watching because you want to get turned on by someone hotter. You’re watching it because it’s hot to watch others get it on. When you see them licking, biting, teasing, sweating, talking dirty, suddenly you’ll feel turned on, too. Plus, you might get some ideas as to new moves to try.

If actually watching porn together seems like a daunting proposition for either of you, you can also give this pro tip a go, notes House: Try listening to porn without actually watching it. In addition to giving you the erotic thrill of hearing sex sounds (moans, gasps, and “Oh, God, yes!”) — without having to look at the porn stars themselves , it’s also a sneaky way to improve at dirty talking.

This is one of the best ways to learn how to dirty talk! Turn on a talk-heavy porn, and turn the TV or computer around. Then, turn off the lights.

Now you and your partner will just repeat after the performers voices. This gives you permission to say dirty, nasty, limit-pushing things that you never had the courage or inclination to say before. But once you get those words in your ears and hear them come out of your mouth, you have broken that barrier, and you can now introduce them into your regular routine.”

Try Sex Toys

On the other hand, sex toys are one area where men, despite all the stereotypes about their sex drives, lag far behind women. If you’re looking to spice things up in the bedroom, expanding your sex toy collection could be in order. Whatever your reason to spice up your sex life (and by the way, you really don’t need a ‘reason’ to get a sex toy), get one! As a matter of fact, get three: one that you know you will like, one that is highly rated but you don’t exactly know how it will work, and one that is dancing the line of intriguing/intimidating.

That way, you’ll get to explore different options, and if one or two aren’t exactly your cup of tea, chances are the third one will be. Whereas if you buy a single one and come to regret it, it could be easy to write the whole concept of sex toys off in one go.

If you try one and it wasn’t right for you, you never have to try it again if you don’t want to.

Even those experiences when you as a couple try something new and share an explorative experience together — even if it’s a fail, it can bring you closer and make you feel more connected because shared new experiences are an essential ingredient to deepening and strengthening relationships — as long as you are both open to being open, vulnerable, and playful.

Plus, you just might feel more aroused than you could have even imagined. Sex toys give you new opportunities to play, explore, and enjoy both yourself and your partner. They get you out of your normal routine and can transform your average pump and grind into a playground of fun.

You can also involve a third party into the bedroom and spice it up that way. You can hire one of our Sussex Escorts for a third person to participate. This can be exciting and fun if both partners agree.

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