Unless you’re a member of The Fast and Furious squad, you probably don’t go from zero to sixty the second you hop in the car. Why do you think you can go from holding hands to full-on thrusting when you’re in the bedroom? Nah, you need some foreplay tips to ease your way into the main event.
Here are ten tips for you to help with your foreplay:
1. Think outside the bedroom.
If your go-to foreplay routine involves a little kissing and touching—then goes right into wham, bam, thank you, ma’am—it’s time to mix it up. “Foreplay should begin before you get into the bedroom to have sex,” says Buckley. She suggests getting low-key playful with your partner when you’re out to dinner, and anywhere else you’re feeling the ~vibe~.
2. Fill your day with foreplay.
After all, who doesn’t want breakfast with a side of arousal? Foreplay can start in the morning and can go All. Day. Long. Through sexy little suggestions here and there, says Buckley. Maybe you hop in the shower with them before work (save the shower sex for the main event) or text them a sexy little something during their lunch break. Whatever you’re into, “you can have lots of moments of foreplay leading up to sex that happens later,” explains Kerner.
3.Sext them sultry little somethings.
Buckley and Kerner both agree that sexting can be a hot AF form of foreplay, mainly when it includes teasing the person on the other side of the screen. Let your partner know what you’re going to do to them when you see them, or hint at what you’d like them to do to you suggests Buckley. Try something like: “It was so great the last time we _____. I loved it when you touched me in this way, or when you sucked on that.”
4. Send a sexy pic.
Sure, dirty talk is hot, but a picture leaves a lot less to the imagination. Assuming your partner is someone you know and trust (important detail!), why not send a little something to start setting the mood before they even get home?
5. Wear your fave lingerie.
This will come in handy if you plan on using the previous tip, but even if you have no intention of sending a sexy selfie, lingerie can put you in the mood and increase your anticipation for what’s to come later.
6. Spell it o-u-t.
When you’re flirting or sexting with your partner, let them know exactly what you find attractive about them, advises Kerner. Even if you think they already know because of the whole wanting-to-have-sex-with-them thing, it never hurts to remind them how much their abs, ass, or even ambition turns you on. “Remember that the language of sex is a lot different than the language you commonly use in your relationship vocabulary,” Kerner says. “You can be going through your day and communicating back and forth in very respectful, egalitarian ways, but you may also jump into some very erotic or sexual language.” Basically, whenever the opportunity to seduce your partner presents itself, seize it. And when it doesn’t…create it.
7. Play up the sexiness of not being able to have sex (yet).
Crank your next date night up a notch—or ten—by teasing your partner when you’re cuddled up at a cozy restaurant or low-lit bar. “Teasing is significant because when we can’t have what we want, that creates desire,” says Buckley. She and Brito suggest whispering in your partner’s ear about what you’re looking forward to that night, nibbling on their neck, or discreetly touching them wherever they’ll take notice. When you know you can’t have sex, it becomes all the more arousing, Buckley explains.
8. Use psychological lube.
The last thing you want to think about when getting frisky is your errand list or a work project. Put, not being in the right headspace can be enough to kill your lady boner.
That’s why Kerner always suggests adding “psychological excitement” into your foreplay routine, rather than relying solely on physical touch and stimulation. But WTF qualifies as psychological excitement? It turns out tons of sexy stuff: listening to an erotic podcast, watching porn together, reading erotica aloud to each other, and even playing sex games.
9.And actual lube.
When it’s time to move into the bedroom, don’t forget that lube is your BFF. Use it to prime your body for ~everything.~
10.Get handsy, but not too handsy.
Let’s be real; many couples think foreplay is a fancy word for fingering and oral sex. If you’re one of them, no shade, but it might be time to add a little pit stop on your way to Pleasureville. By that, I mean that you and your partner should spend more time away from your vagina. Kerner encourages couples to let the arousal simmer by keeping it strictly above the waist—kissing, touching, nibbling on necks, and dirty talking before heading straight for the goods. That’s because “a lot of women complain that their partners move too quickly into direct clitoral stimulation, and sometimes that can tickle or even hurt if they’re not that aroused,”